Life Is A Boomerang

When I graduated high school I received the highest recognition at my commencement ceremony. It was the Award of Merit given to a student who went above and beyond, exhibiting exceptional school spirit. To say I was shocked is a total understatement LOL. ‘Me? Why ME?’ I was honoured but lost that spirit because of all the exciting and fun circumstances that sidetrack us in our youth. Fortunately, I found myself once again at age forty. Over the last decade I committed myself to community and being of service to something greater than myself. Why? Simply because of how amazing it made me feel, especially to see how happy people were when they received that special support! Wow…what a high!

Then, a while back, I was hurt by a friend to the point where I wanted to walk away from it all. Why bother when you discover there are those you trust who will resort to anything just to knock you off your high? The pain was great. My depression lasted over a year and had trouble sleeping, writing, attending events and even turned down organizations in need of support. Tony became my strength – ‘Don’t look around you. Put your blinders on. Keep going,’ he’d say. Seeing my state, he kept at it. ‘The work you did with Dr.  Mike helped so many women. Keep doing it. Vaughan Together was vital during Covid 19. It’s not right to stop important work because of ONE incident.’  Tony fueled me and Vaughan Together went on to support the crippling food insecurity crisis…and slowly I began feeling better.

However, what truly healed me were videos sent by a friend who lost his wife to cancer. These were first-hand accounts of NDEs (near death experiences) – a phenomena experienced by close to 20% of Americans in critically-ill situations. After hearing their stories, I knew that the overwhelming evidence and uncanny similarities between cases couldn’t be ignored. Although my family had several inexplicable, unearthly experiences since my mother’s death and I was already a believer, it was these stories that helped me resolve the pain I felt.

NDE messages are ridiculously simple:  Life is a school. We come here to experience resistance, overcome obstacles and grow. Each human is interconnected by energy and when you hurt someone you only damage yourself. Be aware of every action and word you say because IT WILL come back like a boomerang – good and bad. The energy you emit ripples, making endless waves affecting the world around you. There’s no competition and enough for all. Lighten up, laugh often, be brave, create and know that what is not visible to the human eye always has your back. You are always being supported – no matter how tough a situation is. Earth is our stage where we play our various parts to learn (thanks Shakespeare!). And whatever lessons were left unlearned you WILL come back to experience them all over again. And the big one (quoting The Beatles), ‘all you need is love’.  If you don’t know how to resolve something just surrender. The answer will come. So, here I am finding my footing again and doing what we’re all destined to do – live the best and most positive version of ourselves. What you give, you get.

JEALOUSY: A Lesson Learned

Pain is My Muse

Looking at myself with brutal honesty and objectivity was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Even harder, was removing my rose-coloured glasses to look in the mirror and admit the truth behind all my intentions. The more aware and spiritually-aligned I became, the more pain I felt!  It’s no wonder we use vices to mask pain.

Little miracles began to happen a few years back when I started writing Instagram posts about painful things that had happened to me in the past.  I noticed that once I wrote the story and found the courage to click ‘post’, the experience lost power and the festering grip it had over me.

A sense of freedom filled me once I became the storyteller. Detached, I was no longer a ‘victim’ but instead the orator of an inspiring tale that healed me.

Your story is just that…A STORY.  It’s an experience in a day, month or year of your life that God strategically placed on your path.  That nasty pothole on the road makes you stumble and fall but the adversity you face in order to stay ON COURSE builds strength of character..giving you courage to continue.

In time I learned that each painful fall was a gateway to self-discovery, helping me to grow and expand so I’m able to fulfil my purpose on this fascinating journey we call, ‘Life’! Where there is pain there is opportunity. Instead of building walls to protect myself every time I’m hurt, I keep putting myself out there.. no matter what!! And yes, I still get hurt. I know that overcoming painful situations allows us to soar in limitless possibilities.

No pain-no gain.

Sharing our stories, whether to one person or the masses, can be a life changer for you… and someone else. This month I’m featuring My Painful Truths – a new blog series where I tell stories and my ‘aha moments” that changed me. I hope you too share your stories! I know without a shadow of a doubt that your experience will help someone.

 

Beauty Is A Myth

I rode a school bus from age 9 to 17 and thanks to my relentless schoolmate, John the last 4 years were absolute agony for me. His torment began when my older brother graduated and was no longer around to protect me. John was ruthless, shouting loudly, “Hey! Anchor nose!” every time I boarded the bus in the morning. By afternoon it was just, ‘Hey, anchor’ – like a dying battery losing it power, he lost his zest for torture as the day progressed.  Walking everywhere with my head held low, I cried a lot during my teenage years and told my mom, ‘When I’m 28 I’m going to get a nose job!’ I don’t know why I picked that age but felt I’d be pretty mature to handle it by then.

So, at age 29 I went under the knife, experiencing painful Rhinoplasty surgery in addition to having my lower orbital bones broken and reset because my plastic surgeon said it would rid me of dark shadows under my eyes (I opted out of a nose job at age 28 because that was the year Tony and I got married and knew he’d be mortified if I looked like Rocky on our wedding day).

I went to my parents’ house the day my bandages were removed and while studying my side view in the upstairs bathroom mirror, I broke. Muffling my gasp and sheer shock by putting my hands over my mouth, I bawled my eyes out. I felt as though my best friend had died. I was no longer myself and my identity permanently blown to smithereens.  I was angry that society would not accept me as I was – a girl with an ethnic appearance. I felt ashamed that I had caved and given John my power. He won…and I had lost.  It took several weeks to emotionally adjust and although I’ve come to accept and like my nose, any bodily changes I make today come from a place of self-esteem and usually to improve my health.

I learned that beauty is a myth and like the old clichė, it is in the eye of the beholder.  We should never allow external factors to dictate our self-worth. Find love within. Lastly, forgiveness and understanding will free and transform your pain. I know now that John’s bullying tactics were just a way to deflect his own pain….and I forgive him.

 

There’s NO SHAME in Losing Weight

A while back a friend of mine told me she removed me from social media because she found my posts on my weight loss and menopause offensive. Startled, I began to second guess my intentions. Was I right showing women that they could go through ‘the change of life’ and still manage their weight successfully? I began to doubt myself…and this was a horrible feeling.

I was also told that since I’m not a mom I couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is to eat right and exercise when kids demand all your time.  No, I’m not a mom but still do have a family with aging parents who have doctor appointments and many other needs including a husband whose career and unique lifestyle requires my attention 24/7.  I also have my own work/responsibilities including a wide network and a community who reach out to Tony and I for support on their various causes and initiatives.

My friend’s opinion made me STOP, sit and reflect on my reasons for this journey.  Was it unrealistic and wrong of me to show women that it is indeed possible to manage weight during menopause?

And Dr. Michael Carozza has shown me that although it requires a mind shift, it can be achieved.I feel it’s right to help other women who feel as I do.  Weight gain is just one of the many symptoms we perimenopausal girls deal with and all I’ve done is gone back to my original weight.  By changing my eating habits and dropping the extra pounds I’ve put on over the last two years I’m now able to control hot flashes, brain fog and finally have the sleep and energy I need to tackle my daily tasks and live a better quality of life.

I follow many inspirational women of all shapes and sizes and admire them for their courage in speaking their truth. They are my heroes and mentors.  MY truth was that I didn’t want to feel crappy anymore. I didn’t want to take synthetic hormones only to then get cancer as my mother did.  It wasn’t to satisfy any vanity by trying to be ‘skinny’ but instead to not lose myself in menopause’s vicious cycle.

This is what has worked for ME.  I don’t preach but guide women who are on a similar journey and want the same things as myself.  Not a day goes by where someone doesn’t reach out to me to ask about food choices, bloating, weight gain, hormones etc… And many have blown my mind because they are so supportive, loving and give me strength!! Therefore, I know now in my heart that I’m doing must be right.

By sharing what I learn and providing resources, support and advice to anyone who asks I’ve come to understand that I’m an instrument helping to raise awareness to ageism and the stigma associated with menopause.  I hope my friend and anyone who feels as she does will come to realize my intention.